Updated: Nov 20, 2020
Possibilities - they are SO LINKED to your child's motivation. In fact, the LANGUAGE OF LISTENING® equation for motivation is:
WANT + POSSIBLE = MOTIVATION
Your child's WANTS are fairly static although their awareness of their WANTS may be anything but!! And their belief about what's possible?? Can also either be forefront or take up a spot on the back-burner.
We all WANT motivated kids - so what can we do??
Keep possibilities open!! One of the best way to do that is using LoL's first tool: SAY WHAT YOU SEE®
Let me use this time of year to give you a quick example: Lots of shopping to do to prepare for the Holidays! Let's say you're out with your child and they see something they REALLY want - it's out of the budget and besides, you've already bought all their gifts. Your first reaction is to convince them they don't want it or maybe just to let them know they can't have it.
But wait. There's another option: SAY WHAT YOU SEE®
"You really want that!! It looks perfect for you! I won't be buying it, must be some other way to get what you want!"
See that?? What if that small validation inspires your 12 year old who doesn't go outside in the Winter to start shoveling neighbours' driveways for spare cash?? Or gets your 8 year old inspired to start saving her allowance instead of spending it on candy or cheap toys at the Dollar Store?
Validation helps keep kids from getting stuck... and trying to protect them from disappointment can cause them to miss out on huge growth AND opportunity.
Try to change their mind to help them avoid disappointment and their WANTS can turn into problems. That makes it hard to move forward. Validate them, and they are freed up to find the perfect solution for themselves - which is something kids are GREAT at!
As parents, sometimes we can feel like there is only one way to deal with certain situations. Most of us immediately feel uncomfortable when our kids ask for things they can't have and we switch to that default of trying to change their minds. This is why I LOVE Language of Listening®! It gives you solid tools to use in ANY situation to support your child's personal GROWTH. No more default parenting and no more parenting voids - you CAN have reliable parenting tools to support you AND your child every. single. time.
Want to get equipped with these simple yet effective (and genius!) tools?? Click over to my LOVE the way you parent page and check out your options for working with me 1:1